Dear you,

 

Then, this is how it feels to be a Bella.

 

When the heartbroken comes and crushes you all over the pieces. Seems like world's not spinning and all I can see is the darkness.

 

The one I care about now left me with a reason that would take time which only God knows for how long.

 

I feel numb inside.

 

I feel like I'm losing my grip, even music cannot make me happy.

 

I stare everywhere blankly. My eyes are wide open yet I cannot see anything clearly.

 

I speak yet I don't know what to speak about.

 

I eat even I'm not hungry.

 

Every night I spend 1000 tears. I lose my breath every time I cry. I cannot think.

 

I'm afraid to close my eyes because I know this is going to be a nightmare. I'm afraid to open my eyes to face the reality that he's not with me anymore.

 

My smiling just a cold picture to cover my face, yet my heart is broken whatsoever.

 

Why… why are you doing this to me?

 

I want to run away and not seeing you anymore, if that's what it takes.

 

Getting you out of my head is the hardest thing to do.

 

I cannot see you anymore. This great of pain is killing me.

 

Please go away.

 

I cannot see you anymore.

 

Sincerely yours,

icha

1) 'New Moon' - The Twilight Saga The Movie, I'll be looking forward to it! 2) My ideas seem comfortably crystalized in my head currently, it's still waiting to be poured, though... 3) I'm still eagerly looking for these DVDs: Miracle Girls (Nami Akimoto), UFO Baby (uum, I forgot who the author is hehe), and Saint Tail (Megumi Tachikawa). 4) Collecting old songs from internet seems like to be my new hobby lately :D

As time passes by, I realize that not every wedding has its sincere and sacred essence within it. How naive I am. I just happen knowledge several weddings that based on conditional love. Just because they are together as husband and wife, doesn't mean they love each other, unconditionally.. Ironic, indeed. I therefore keep praying, so I can have my own unconditional love in my wed life with my husband (soon-to-be) and hopefully it lasts forever... Amin.

I don't even know anything any more about the sincerity since those kind of thing is long rotten in my work place.

All I face right now is only a bunch of people and counterfeit. And I hate that.

I'm wondering myself when I can see other place to be lived in peace?

 

Because:

1. They cannot be themselves when they want to.

2. Their personal life and their emotions have been and will always be controlled by media.

3. Even they cannot be totally happy with the money they've earned.

4. Seems like the love they get either that purely love or just a stunt to the medias!

5. etc.

The hardest things to be a celebrity.

Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, and many more...

They were all stressed under the pressure of the media.

.... Married.

Can I get married today, tomorrow? Or this year maybe?

Can I marry someone I love who loves me back no matter who I am?

Can I marry someone who can stand by me forever in happiness and sadness?

I just want to have a family, children, and be happy..

Can I have those? If so, when?

What kind of people that let themselves to be the victims of bombs which deliberately attached to them?

What triggered them?

Money? Politics? Or else?

For the reasons whatsoever, I'm just very disappointed for this event which caused so many bad things. Casualties, decreased value of rupiah, the cancelation of the MU coming to Indonesia (this one makes my boyfriend very sad ), and of course, a traumatic for most of us, and insecure feeling every time we go to the public places, etc.

Why this bomb thing keep happening in Indonesia? Do we still have a safe place to be lived in? Do we still a heart for each other, a humane human being for caring and taking care the security in our own country?

Please have a heart. Have a heart. Have a heart.

God gives us a heart for a reason. God makes us human beings for a reason, and that's certainly not for destroying others.

HAVE A HEART, PEOPLE! PLEASE!

.... that Michael Jackson has died several hours ago.

And he was still... young. And they said the cause was the cardiac arrest which I found it rare.

People more often diagnosed with heart attack. But this cardiac arrest thing, I remembered this morning when the news was aired in CNN, it was clearly stated the cardiac arrest is about the heart stops working.

But is it possible happen to people who just do some reguler daily activities like me, or my parents, or other people, even you? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, with the heart stops working, it means it can be happening to any of us without any notice! Right?

Or... am I mistaken?

You tell me.

The news has been shocking me since this morning. I still cannot believe myself that the King of Pop who sung 'Thriller', 'I'll Be There' (Jackson 5), 'You Are Not Alone', etc, has passed away...

Rest In Peace, Michael...

..... the lesser friends you get.

Weird? No! On the contrary, it's very natural.

I've discussed this matter with couple of my friends and they could not agree more.

Yet that what makes life more beautiful. Because the beauty of friendship itself! The friendship doesn't count from how many friends you get in your life, but how many friends that you can count on in sadness and happiness.

Don't be sad if you feel lonely sometimes, that doesn't mean you don't have friends. But be sad if you cannot convince yourself that you are not alone and have family and friends at your side. THAT what counts..

Carpe diem!

I found it hard to believe that my boyfriend -- who prefers watch movies with action genre than any others -- told me that TWILIGHT is a great movie and he loves it!

He said that I gave him the 'virus' and it turned out it made him love TWILIGHT

That's inspiring, though. And I was flattered when I read those in my cell phone inbox. Also quite relieving...

He texted me this afternoon as he knew I was reading 'Breaking Dawn' -- the last sequel of TWILIGHT SAGA -- which I bought last night with him at Gramedia. He knows how much I adore the love between Bella and Edward (the power, the essence, everything!), and he let me told him the story, even though he doesn't quite read books as maniac as I do, yet he still listened to me...  until I finished it!

It's amazing... how TWILIGHT can make my relationship with my boyfriend deeper than before.

Thank you, Bella & Edward....